Driving in-car = 03/30/10

So, today was like the third or fourth lesson for driving school, the actual in car driving stuff, and all this time, like for the past two or three driving session, I'd consider that I did really well... and I had improved a lot compared to how I was when I first started. But then, today... as I drive second... it was really good in the beginning, everything was fine, nothing was wrong, I was talking and chatting and stuff and everything was fine, when my driving partner, MK was driving. But then, after we stopped at the mall for the break and it was my turn to drive, it also started out pretty well I'd consider... I mean nothing was wrong... yet.

Alright, so today's in car lesson dealt with lane change and left turns. This is the sole hardest topic by far in the course. And I was doing it today... I don't really think it scared me, I don't really know what went wrong... anyways, let me explain what happened. As I turned out of the mall and went onto the small street, we hit a traffic light. Soon, he told me to make a left turn at the next intersection, and what happened was, there was a car behind me... which I wasn't aware of, but because it was an intersection, so he was really close... and the light changed green and I was supposed to make the left turn, but I saw a car in front of me, who was making the left turn and I didn't know... well, I knew, but I hesitated. And the driving instructor beside me yelled GO Go Go and like he said give gas and what not... and then there was another car heading my way, but he was making a right turn, and I was told not to trust signals, so I was hesitant I guess once again. And the driving instructor seemed like he was mad, but I don't think he really was, I think he was more so raising his voice. So he tell me to go and go quick and what not... and the guy behind me honked at me, and me being the person I was ignored him and kept going at the same speed I was going.

So yeah that was just one of the more major mistakes I made today during driving, there were many more, like signalling when I shouldn't have and also, turning in a small street, turning left when I didn't signal, nor did the guy ask, I was just randomly doing it. I don't know what exactly went wrong, I mean I think I was fine in the beginning, and I didn't really feel any pressure. I just don't get it. But one thing I can recall, and I am doing it even at this very second, I was constantly asking myself, what is wrong with me, what happened, why could I not do that, I was fine before, why am I so hesitant and what not today. And yeah, that really really really and I don't know how much I can stress this, it really REALLY bothered me... so yeah. I hope that future driving classes (in-car ) would be a lot better.

SAS meeting # 2 !!!

So, today we had the second official SAS meeting... and I thought it went extremely well! Basically, we arranged everything in a circle so that made discussions easier and it made it feel less like a class oriented lesson and what not. I believe I accomplished well as I was able to talk more. I think there were times when I actually interrupted shagana and what not but yeah... usually I just don't say anything, but this time it felt as if I talked and talked and talked. Some points though, it didn't happen very often but still... there were times when I felt like I was saying things that didn't really make sense. Like it makes sense to me, because I understand, but if I put myself in one of the members points of views it might not have made sense so I tried to make sure I didn't ramble on as much and what not. We had a guest speaker come in, Ashley from Kiwi Commons. I thought it was a great opportunity that we could have a guest speaker and that it's soo cool to have guest speakers come in to talk during our club meeting. But as Ashley came in, she didn't seem too prepared in my opinion. Like she kinda winged it, like she knew what she was talking about because she just talked about her job and about the organization that she worked for... but like I guess I kinda thought she would come with like a list of things to say and what not... I guess not everyone in this world is like that... haha

Anyways, so we had some mixed feedback about the guest speaker and hopefully next time or during the future meetings we could have more inspirational, less boring and perhaps student speakers? I really enjoyed how there were some dialogue and conversations going on and people did ask questions. It was better than last week, but I do believe that we still have plenty to improve on as a group to talk more, and be more open and have more discussions. We had more people turn out this week I believe, like I didn't really count this time, I forgot to count, and neither did Shagana, so we were kinda at a loss their but anyways, it was good that we had lots of new members, but it was bad that only a handful if not less people from the first meeting showed up. What was also really good is that we made the yearbook! Haha, Kristen came in to take a picture of us for the yearbook, and that was something that I wanted to do so that`s fantastic!

We also discussed upon going someplace and volunteering as a whole group either at a school event or at a community event, and quite surprisingly lots of people were interested in it. So I'm really glad for that, and I guess I'm gonna have to look into that ... I need to make some arrangements and get things set in stone before next meeting. Also, the other thing that we had sign-ups for were random school volunteering opportunities. Mrs. Arena talked to me a few days ago and asked me to get some people sign up for Godspell and Graduation to help out and volunteer for that.. like those are easy things, but I wasn`t sure if people wanted to volunteer for it. But in the end, I think majority of the group wanted to volunteer for that and it`s fantastic... I`m so happy for the progress and success we made in such little time! It`s fantastic and I know that it will just keep getting better, at least I hope! But for the mean time, I will have to continue looking for more volunteering opportunities!

The things in my life

Sometimes it feels as if... things just are weird. Like time just flies by, you don't realize that you are living life day by day, you do things over and over again, they become routine and then...

Well anyway, there is always more than meets the eye.... there's more to life than the things that we care about most...

So yeah well, right now I guess, there's always one thing that I think about, but hey, that's a given... well somewhat, let's just keep it a secret for now... and the other thing, well, is school... oh course so yeah, for the past week I have been really stressed out with all the work and the tests and stuff. But it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Like last Sunday I rented a TVB show, something I honestly haven't done for like at least 2 months now. But yeah, so for the past few days, that's basically all that I would do when I get home. Although I like do my homework, I mean it's just not the same. I don't work to my fullest ability, I don't do as well as I can. So during those times, I try my best, my very best to control myself, and thankfully, most of the time it works. So like I ended up watching like 1 or 2 episodes a day... which is ok. I was hoping that we would have an easy week before the march break, but No, the teachers aren't nice enough for that are they? Haha, but I guess it's kind of a good thing that they put all the assignments and test before the march break so that I don't have to worry about it during the march break and then end up not doing anything and regret not doing anything when I come back, similar to what I did during the Christmas holidays with my courses from last semester. Now that my tests are all finished, I have nothing better to do, than as usual, to regret and reflect... euhh...

So yeah, I guess like the other thing that has been pretty big in my life lately, or so I feel is volunteering. I mean it's great! I have so much fun looking for places to volunteer and actually volunteering at those places. I love meeting new people and learning new things, I just get to be myself and have fun! Though there are tough times, like all the things that I worry about and think too much about. It always seems as if I cannot be prepared for what is to come. I never know what is or will happen. Things are so unpredictable in life, it sucks. Last weekend when I went to the YAY orientation I was kinda worried about what I might have to expect. But in the end, it wasn't bad, I met a few people, most of them university students, but the orientation, or training program – so they called it, made me want to start helping out and being with one kid even more. But I have to wait, I have to be patient, I'm still waiting for the match up. What I really enjoy about volunteering is the sense of achievement or the feeling that you have done something good, that you've actually helped someone. Like it's hard to describe, though like lots of things that I volunteer at is a lot of work, most of the time stressful, but it's lots of fun.. well, I think its fun. After the event, when I go back home and think about it, it just feels as if something is better, something is more complete, it feels like I have changed a bit... I know it's weird, and it's confusing even for me too, but yeah...

There is also this club at school that Shagana and I started up. I am still really excited about it. I really hope that it would be able to help people in my school. 'Cause I know that back when I was in grade 9, there were honestly a lot and I seriously mean a LOT of clubs and groups and councils that I wanted to join. But as usual, I was alone, and being alone and shy like I was, and kinda still am, I backed off from signing up, and that is why, still, to this day, I have regretted. Also, I didn't take much initiative, or as much initiative as I wanted to, to start looking for places to volunteer at. I didn't really understand the importance and significance of volunteering back in the day. So because I made a mistake, well somewhat, and if I had the chance, that is something I would want to redo in life, something I would like to start over. If I had started volunteering at more places and joined more councils earlier, things would have been soo much different that they are today. But I guess, anything that we choose differently in life would result in a different result. But anyways, because I made those wrong choices, or ones that I regret, I want to make sure, or just try my best to ensure that other people do not go about making the wrong choices and the mistakes that I made. Like sometimes, when I meet new people who are a part of soo many clubs and organizations and possibly the founder or chairs of different councils, I kind of envy them, or just more so, respect them for who they are and the things they do. They have made great choices, and they have made great differences within short periods of time. I want to inform them of all the opportunities there are out there for young teenagers. I would like to let them know about all the benefits and advantages of going out and taking initiative, about how much of a difference they can make in both their life and the lives of others.

Wow, this is a really long post, but I guess, when I first started typing this, I wasn't planning on it being a post, but maybe just like a journal that I would keep for myself in my hard drive. But yeah, just to end it off, Today, I found out that I was chosen to attend the Caledon trip to Mt. Alverno again, this time as a captain and a leader of the group. I would be helping to train or help the new members of the group develop their already existing skills. I was happy to hear that I got chosen, but I am now starting to worry about different things again, as usual. Like school for example. With BAM and the Caledon trip, I would be missing four days of school, in addition to the other trips like the Science North trip that I signed up for. I do understand that these are all fantastic opportunities and I do not want to miss out on them, so I do hope that when I attend, the time I take off from school will be worth it. But yeah, this is getting kinda long, and I am getting tired of typing, so maybe I should stop it here.

Well somewhat, I just wanted to say, that basically, my goal in life, is to help other people, I guess. To make a difference in the world, haha soo cliché =D but hey, I like clichés....

Different Points in Time

My feelings show

As if my soul is taken away

Fallen into a great black hole

I don't even get another say

...

To be continued...