Hesitation

There are so many things
That I want to do
So many things
That I want to say

Things aren’t
As they appear to be
I am not
As good as you think I am

Always unsure
Worried of the future
Wanting to find out
To know what will happen next.

No one knows, but God himself.

Though I have a plan
But let me warn you
It is not the best
But I think its a good one

- always open to compromise and amendments

Lets work on communication first
Though I still want to know if you
Want to go out with me
But if I only ask
And you say yes
And nothing happens

It seems unfair
Unfair to you
I don’t know what to do.

Maybe I’m to young to go out
Maybe I’m not ready

Although you are more important than academics
I should still focus on academics
That is my future
- what I do now reflects and foreshadows my future.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so corny with my writing
Maybe I shouldn’t say I love you so much
Maybe I shouldn’t show it as much

It always seems so awkward
You seem appauled, shocked
- gives me a feeling of hesitation;
That I am doing something wrong.

You have waited for so many years
It’s unfair for you

This is my first crush
You are my first love

I don’t know what to expect
I don’t know what to do

A part of me says I
Should go out with you,
Start a relationship
After all, I am 15 already and it is the year 2009

But another part of me says
I should stay single
- no relationships
Wait till after highschool

Possibly university
But what about graduation dance.
No date? No dance?
Though I really can’t dance
But being with you is already
Satisfactory

Semi-formal?
I know you want to go
I knew you wanted to go with me
But I should’ve asked you
But I didn’t know what to do.

Many times in life
Hesitation takes over
And that is when you let
God decide.

Guilty For A Lifetime

No matter what I do
How many times I apologize
It doesn’t make a difference to you
The effect will still agonize

Though it doesn’t make a difference
I am sorry
I have not been a good acquaintance
Making you worry

For I am doing it now
But I can’t help it
I shall make a vow
I will never commit anything that will hurt you a bit.

I love you, now
But its too late
I already made a mistake
In grade eight about this debate
I was biting like a blind snake

Nothing I do anymore
Can ever become close to making up for what I have done in the past
I am sorry for what I have done before
But I shall allow myself to leave in a blast

I can see that you are fine
Without me,
You will never be mine;
But I deserve it, I agree

All I can say
Is good luck
For the rest yours days
Live on without me
And earn a degree...

The Future?

Tomorrow?
Or Thursday?
How long do we have to wait?

Should I wait,
Or make a move
Take the initiative.
Good idea?
-not really!

Many factors
Conflicting
Like newspapers and actors
Contradicting.

Query with our parents,
Scared of hurting you again...
With all of my movements,
Both flawed and foreign.

Not sure of what it will do
To me or you
Please, just give me a clue
Something easy, as tying a shoe.

Where will I get the courage,
To come up to you and prove
That we will manage
And make something move!

Please be patient and
Give me a chance
For my reprimand
Possibly
And hopefully
To ask you to a chance

Query

This is a time
Of uncertainty

A time where everything
Goes horribly wrong
- or as it seems
(to you, not me)

I love you
You know that
I know too
That you love me

But now,
I’m no longer sure
Whether
Your feelings have changed.

It happened once
Once before
When things
were the opposite way around.

I guess I
didn’t express myself properly
Or maybe,
I chose the wrong method.

But I now believe:
What goes around, does come around.
I deserve it
- you are not at blame
Not at all

I have tried my best
My very best
Ever since
To show it

To show you
Prove to you
That you are the one
The one that I love
I love you

Of course,
There are always exceptions
That I hope you understand...

Conflicting factors
Like parents
Friends and theories....

Sometimes I am unsure
It seems
As if I show it
A little to much
Make it too obvious

It doesn’t seem right
I mean,
The response?
Awkwardness?
Silence?

Or just at shock?
Possibly even hatred...

DO not feel bad,
Or sorry
I do not want the insecurity
And denial to show back up again...

But no matter what:
I still love you