The things in my life

Sometimes it feels as if... things just are weird. Like time just flies by, you don't realize that you are living life day by day, you do things over and over again, they become routine and then...

Well anyway, there is always more than meets the eye.... there's more to life than the things that we care about most...

So yeah well, right now I guess, there's always one thing that I think about, but hey, that's a given... well somewhat, let's just keep it a secret for now... and the other thing, well, is school... oh course so yeah, for the past week I have been really stressed out with all the work and the tests and stuff. But it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Like last Sunday I rented a TVB show, something I honestly haven't done for like at least 2 months now. But yeah, so for the past few days, that's basically all that I would do when I get home. Although I like do my homework, I mean it's just not the same. I don't work to my fullest ability, I don't do as well as I can. So during those times, I try my best, my very best to control myself, and thankfully, most of the time it works. So like I ended up watching like 1 or 2 episodes a day... which is ok. I was hoping that we would have an easy week before the march break, but No, the teachers aren't nice enough for that are they? Haha, but I guess it's kind of a good thing that they put all the assignments and test before the march break so that I don't have to worry about it during the march break and then end up not doing anything and regret not doing anything when I come back, similar to what I did during the Christmas holidays with my courses from last semester. Now that my tests are all finished, I have nothing better to do, than as usual, to regret and reflect... euhh...

So yeah, I guess like the other thing that has been pretty big in my life lately, or so I feel is volunteering. I mean it's great! I have so much fun looking for places to volunteer and actually volunteering at those places. I love meeting new people and learning new things, I just get to be myself and have fun! Though there are tough times, like all the things that I worry about and think too much about. It always seems as if I cannot be prepared for what is to come. I never know what is or will happen. Things are so unpredictable in life, it sucks. Last weekend when I went to the YAY orientation I was kinda worried about what I might have to expect. But in the end, it wasn't bad, I met a few people, most of them university students, but the orientation, or training program – so they called it, made me want to start helping out and being with one kid even more. But I have to wait, I have to be patient, I'm still waiting for the match up. What I really enjoy about volunteering is the sense of achievement or the feeling that you have done something good, that you've actually helped someone. Like it's hard to describe, though like lots of things that I volunteer at is a lot of work, most of the time stressful, but it's lots of fun.. well, I think its fun. After the event, when I go back home and think about it, it just feels as if something is better, something is more complete, it feels like I have changed a bit... I know it's weird, and it's confusing even for me too, but yeah...

There is also this club at school that Shagana and I started up. I am still really excited about it. I really hope that it would be able to help people in my school. 'Cause I know that back when I was in grade 9, there were honestly a lot and I seriously mean a LOT of clubs and groups and councils that I wanted to join. But as usual, I was alone, and being alone and shy like I was, and kinda still am, I backed off from signing up, and that is why, still, to this day, I have regretted. Also, I didn't take much initiative, or as much initiative as I wanted to, to start looking for places to volunteer at. I didn't really understand the importance and significance of volunteering back in the day. So because I made a mistake, well somewhat, and if I had the chance, that is something I would want to redo in life, something I would like to start over. If I had started volunteering at more places and joined more councils earlier, things would have been soo much different that they are today. But I guess, anything that we choose differently in life would result in a different result. But anyways, because I made those wrong choices, or ones that I regret, I want to make sure, or just try my best to ensure that other people do not go about making the wrong choices and the mistakes that I made. Like sometimes, when I meet new people who are a part of soo many clubs and organizations and possibly the founder or chairs of different councils, I kind of envy them, or just more so, respect them for who they are and the things they do. They have made great choices, and they have made great differences within short periods of time. I want to inform them of all the opportunities there are out there for young teenagers. I would like to let them know about all the benefits and advantages of going out and taking initiative, about how much of a difference they can make in both their life and the lives of others.

Wow, this is a really long post, but I guess, when I first started typing this, I wasn't planning on it being a post, but maybe just like a journal that I would keep for myself in my hard drive. But yeah, just to end it off, Today, I found out that I was chosen to attend the Caledon trip to Mt. Alverno again, this time as a captain and a leader of the group. I would be helping to train or help the new members of the group develop their already existing skills. I was happy to hear that I got chosen, but I am now starting to worry about different things again, as usual. Like school for example. With BAM and the Caledon trip, I would be missing four days of school, in addition to the other trips like the Science North trip that I signed up for. I do understand that these are all fantastic opportunities and I do not want to miss out on them, so I do hope that when I attend, the time I take off from school will be worth it. But yeah, this is getting kinda long, and I am getting tired of typing, so maybe I should stop it here.

Well somewhat, I just wanted to say, that basically, my goal in life, is to help other people, I guess. To make a difference in the world, haha soo cliché =D but hey, I like clichés....